What To Send In First Message On Dating Site

Can't think of what to say in a first message to a woman online? While most men fail to get a response, it's quite easy to write engaging emails women respond to.

Don't think you can say 'Hi' or 'How are you?' to start a conversation. You need to make an effort in your message to capture a woman's attention.
Follow 4 simple steps to crafting the perfect opening message and get responses.

1. How To Send An Opening Message On A Dating Site
2. What To Send In First Message On Dating Site Video

Use THESE Simple, Yet Highly Effective Ways PROVEN To Get Responses

These days, now that women have seen and heard it all on dating apps, making a lasting first impression seems freaking impossible. So we asked 20 real women to divulge the perfect one-liners, questions, and messages they wish men would send on mobile apps or dating sites. The main fact included in this First Message To Send On A Dating Site section that whoever the girl you seen is real and you can book the one you like blindly First Message To Send On A Dating Site and she will only came near you. Faiza is a stunning model babe with a curvy body, 34 C breasts and gorgeous dark long hair.

• This no-brainer approach is PROVEN to get responses and easy to use. OkCupid analyzed over 500,000 messages and found this approach gets you the best results.
• Getting responses is practically a layup when you mention THIS in a woman's profile. Over 60% of U.S. households possess THIS - bring it up in your message and quickly start conversations with women.
• Easily 'break the ice' by commenting on THIS activity the majority of women engage in weekly. Starting conversations is a piece of cake when you ask about this common behavior women share in their profile.

Use THESE Simple, Yet Highly Effective Ways PROVEN To Get Responses

• This no-brainer approach is PROVEN to get responses and easy to use. OkCupid analyzed over 500,000 messages and found this approach gets you the best results.
• Getting responses is practically a layup when you mention THIS in a woman's profile. Over 60% of U.S. households possess THIS - bring it up in your message and quickly start conversations with women.
• Easily 'break the ice' by commenting on THIS activity the majority of women engage in weekly. Starting conversations is a piece of cake when you ask about this common behavior women share in their profile.

Step 1. Read Her Dating Profile

Go figure! When you read a woman's dating profile and comment on it, you show you're actually interested in getting to know her. Most guys comment on photos or use a lame opening message like 'Hey' which shows a complete lack of effort.

Jess Carbino, Tinder's sociologist, shared that '7 in 10 Tinder women want your message to show curiosity. Ask about her profile.' This is key; you must ask a question about something on her profile.

By commenting on something in her profile, you're separating yourself from all the other men flooding her inbox with canned one-word messages.

As you're reading through her profile, look for 'keywords' you can comment on to start a conversation. These 'keywords' should be something YOU HAVE IN COMMON because, in step 3 below, you're going to create questions to show her you share common interests.

I look for words like:

• wine
• movies
• cooking
• bands
• books
• beer
• dog
• hiking
• kayaking

These are things that I enjoy doing, and odds are women will share some of these in their profile. I use these to start my conversations. I would never lie about things I don't do. For example, I'm not much of a traveler nor do I volunteer anywhere, so I never comment on these topics.

What are your passions, interests, and hobbies? As you read through a woman's profile look for keywords associated with your lifestyle and preferences. These are what you are going to talk about in your messages to create a connection with her.

Once you choose a couple of keywords, think of 1 or 2 engaging questions to show the woman you actually have something in common.

A lot of guys fail here because they choose to write; 'We have something in common.' This is a horrible message because you've shown her NOTHING. All you've done is tell her you have things in common; you need proof!

Sending the message 'We have a lot in common' makes women do the work of reading through your profile to find what you have in common. The average woman spends 84 seconds reading your profile. I covered this in this blog post; How To Grab A Woman’s Attention Online; Focus On Your Self-Summary.

You can't expect a woman to dig through your profile looking for the 'common interests' you said you have. It's a vague statement. Women spend a limited amount of time reading your profile so the odds are she may take a look, and if she quickly can't find something in common, she'll move onto someone else.

And guess what? You blew your chances because your message was vague and not engaging. The better option to capture a woman's attention is to show her you have something in common with your message. How? Keep reading.

Now comes the hard part for most men; writing a message. Relax, it's easy.

Let's look at the message I wrote to the woman below here in San Diego. I read through her profile and focused on her keywords 'craft beer' and 'scary movies.'

You can read my 'notes' on the screenshot. Be sure to read my tips at the bottom of this post to get a more detailed analysis of what I did in my message.

How I Wrote A Message To Get A Response

What To Say In A First Message Tips

1. Always begin your message with a 'Hello.'
   ​
2. OkCupid found certain phrases had the highest response rates from women which I discussed in another blog post. In this example, I use one of those terms, 'You mention.'
   ​
3. I comment on things she wrote about herself and NOT her photos. Most men comment on photos or say a few words like 'How's your night.' Not me, I focus on her liking 'craft beer' and 'scary movies.'
   ​
4. I ask her questions about 'craft beer' and 'scary movies' and also give information about myself with regards to these same questions. I've found women are MORE likely to respond when I give them information about myself. It's tit for tat.
   
5. Note how I show we have something in common. Most men write 'We have a lot in common.' That never works. Always show it. I do this by asking questions and opening up about myself.
   
6. Always share your name at the end of your emails. Women will trust you more when you do this. This is your real name, not your screen name.

In this example on Match.com, I focus on Rita's interest in boxing and kickboxing which she shares on her dating profile below.

As I mention in Step 2 above, I like to look for things I have in common, and boxing is perfect because I was a member of a boxing gym a few years ago. I use that as my 'in.' Note how I use the 'I noticed' that phrase which emphasizes I read Rita's profile.

I get the results I want because Rita responds to my message. This conversation is off to a great start because Rita compliments my profile (the onion comment references a hook I have on my profile) and she says she's looking forward to hearing from me again.

Here's an example of what to say in a first message to a woman on Tinder. Alexa here shares various interests most women enjoy, and I zero in on two things I love; wine and living an active lifestyle.

I like to use a woman's name if she shares it on her profile. I address Alexa by her name and don't just say 'Good morning.' Next, I use the phrase 'I see' which points out I read her profile and then ask what type of wine she enjoys. I keep it simple and share my favorite.

Then I proceed to ask Alexa what things she enjoys doing outside. Notice that I compliment her lifestyle; in this case, the fact she is 'active.' Most men compliment looks which is a huge mistake because it's a common approach.

The message pays off because Alexa responds to my opening message. I know she at least looked at my profile because she addressed me by my name. Also, pay attention to her thanking me for 'reaching out first.'

It's important to message women first; ALWAYS. If a woman swipes right or likes your profile, don't let her sit there and expect her to send the first message. Be a man and message a woman first. Alexa thanked me in the message above because I took the initiative and messaged her.

Most men are clueless when it comes to what to say in a first message to women on dating sites. It's not rocket science; it's only online dating.

I don't care what dating site you're on; It's easy to start conversations with women. Just follow the steps above, and you'll stand out from the men who are using boring canned opening lines.

Yes, it takes more effort and time, but the reward is women appreciate a man who puts in some effort instead of the majority of men who use boring opening messages such as 'How's your day?'

Leave your thoughts about what to say in a first message to women below. I would love to hear from you.

I hope you enjoy reading this blog post.

If you want my team to just do your online dating for you, click here.

Tired of not getting responses to the messages you send on online dating sites and apps?

Whether it’s Match.com, OkCupid, POF, Tinder, or Hinge, sending that first message to a girl you really like and getting no response is one of the worst things about online dating.

Especially when it happens over and over.

That’s a big reason why many online daters give up entirely within just a few months.

But don’t throw in the towel just yet – we’ve got 11 online dating first message examples that work like magic to get responses, and you can use them today!

Not only will you get proven-to-work examples you can use right now, you’ll also get the online dating message tips you need to come up with your own unique conversation starters – and the best times to send them.

Just follow the expert advice in this short article and watch your inbox fill up with women who are excited to meet you in person!

First Message Strategy #1: Go For Laughs

Funny online dating messages get responses because women naturally find guys with a sense of humor attractive. It’s true – scientists have proven it.

But the key to having a successful first message, of course, is actually being funny.

On Tinder, you can pair an attention-grabbing GIF with a humorous message…

Message Example #1:

On a dating site like Match.com or POF, you could make a joke about the shared experience of scrolling through profile after profile…

Message Example #2:

Finding common ground is a pro move, because if you can make her think the two of you are similar she’s more likely to respond.

Women are simply more comfortable around people who remind them of themselves.

Which brings us to our next examples of opening lines…

First Message Strategy #2: Connect On Common Ground

Travel makes an awesome subject for a first message because it’s something most women enjoy doing, or at least enjoy dreaming about.

Message Example #3:

And who doesn’t like to at least think they have a great sense of adventure? It's a topic you'll find mentioned in just about every person's profile.

Many online dating sites have keyword searches, so you can filter for women who also enjoy a certain hobby.

So if you’re into skiing, you can send a “stock” message about a certain topic to any interesting women who mention it in their profiles.

Message Example #4:

On a dating app like Tinder or Bumble, you can take a quick glance at her photos and bio to see if any common interests jump out.

For instance if you find you both love dogs, this would be a good first message for online dating…

Message Example #5:

You’ll save a ton of time once you have a “go-to” copy and paste message for any hobby that you’d like to share with your matches. (Skeptical about the effectiveness of copy & paste? Read this article.)

First Message Strategy #3: Inspire A Craving

Message Example #6:

(Note: A long message like this example is a better fit for dating sites like Match, OkCupid or POF. You’re going to want to keep your messages quite a bit shorter on apps like Tinder and Bumble.)

Certain words are attention-grabbing because they sound delicious. Chocolate, cheesecake, ala mode… who wouldn’t want to keep reading?

Notice how it starts off with a light compliment.

Complimenting her will often give you points, but only if you focus on intangible qualities like intelligence or her accomplishments.

Don’t make the rookie mistake of praising her physical appearance, especially when you're trying to start a conversation with a girl online for the first time.

Tons of guys do it, and she gets tons of messages with some variation of “you’re hot”. Paying her a more meaningful compliment is a breath of fresh air for her.

Mentioning something yummy-sounding works just as well on dating apps. In fact, dating app Hinge discovered girls are 40% more likely to reply to messages about food.

Here’s a short, delicious sounding message that’s perfect for a dating app…

Message Example #7:

First Message Strategy #4: Get Personal

Message Example #8:

It’s basic human nature to love talking about yourself.

In fact, it literally stimulates your brain and makes you feel good.

Ask her an open-ended question that gets her to share something about herself, and she’s instantly in her Happy Place. And the better she feels about talking to you, the more likely she is to share her number.

The example above is more suited for an online dating site where longer messages are the norm, but you can get her talking about herself on a dating app with a short message like this…

Message Example #9:

First Message Strategy #5: Show Off Your Creative Side

Message Example #10:

Most of your competition is sending her lame first messages like “Hey, how was your weekend?” and “Hi, I’m John.”

That’s great news for you, because it gives you the opportunity to shine by asking her an interesting, funny or creative question like this…

Message Example #11:

So What Do All These First Messages Have In Common?

They all accomplish 3 things:

1. They instantly pique her curiosity. If she doesn’t even want to keep reading, why would she bother responding, much less want to meet you in person?
2. They set you apart from the crowd. Remember, if she’s getting tons of messages from guys just like you. You’ve got to out-message them every time.
3. They ask her a question. You need to make it as easy as possible for her to respond, and controlling the conversation is a simple way to do it.

Those three elements are crucial if you want to get a response to your online dating opener.

Miss one of them, and she’s moving on to the next person.

The Best Time To Send Your First Message

To increase your odds of getting a response to your message, send them at a time it’s likely to be convenient for her to answer.

Weekday evenings are generally the best time to send an online dating icebreaker. Many women unwind from a long day at work by firing up a dating app while catching up on Netflix.

According to Nielsen, activity on both OkCupid and Tinder peaks at 9 pm, and usage starts to rapidly decline after 10 pm. On Bumble, the real action starts a little earlier, with activity peaking at 6 pm.

And if you happen to find yourself stuck inside due to inclement weather like a blizzard, hurricane or rainstorm, put these first message examples to good use.

NBC News did a little investigating, and found that bad weather goes hand in hand with increased activity on dating sites and apps.

In many cases, the increase was pretty dramatic. During winter storm Juno, activity on Hinge picked up by a whopping 47%, which led to a 56% spike in the number of phone numbers exchanged, and an incredible 96% increase in 2-way message exchanges.

On OkCupid, a little rain translates to a 10% increase in activity on the site. On Match, activity typically increases around 33% during snowstorms, and big storms go hand in hand with a 20-40% increase in Bumble activity.

Throw a pandemic into the mix, and there's never been a better time to download a dating app & start trying to meet someone special online.

No Response To Your First Message? Here’s What To Do Next!

Of course, there’s no copy and paste message that’s guaranteed to start a conversation every time you send it.

There are a ton of variables involved, like your photos and your online dating profile. If those aren’t top notch, our Ultimate Guide To Online Dating has all the tools and tips you need to bring them up to snuff.

Other variables you can’t control, like what she’s doing when she’s reading your message.

If she’s sneaking a peek at her Match messages in between meetings, she may not have a chance to respond and forget to come back to it later.

So if f you don’t get a response, give her a second chance.

Try a light-hearted follow up message like this one…

Second Message Example:

But if she still doesn’t bite, move on.

The more messages you send, the more desperate you look. Besides, there’s plenty more interesting, attractive women out there so focus your efforts on them.

Why Savvy Guys Use Copy & Paste Messages

Now let’s talk about the elephant in the room: copy & paste messages.

A few online dating “experts” will tell you they don’t work. Online daters are too smart to fall for them. They’re a huge turn off.

Blah blah blah. Those guys clearly haven’t done their homework.

Here’s the truth in a nutshell.

Statistically speaking, you’re looking at an uphill battle.

The average guy has to crank out 114 messages in order to be 99% sure of getting one reply – and spend around 6.7 hours a week doing it.

Given that fact, why would you spend tons of time scanning each and every woman’s profile, then writing a message customized just for her?

That's crazy – you don't have that kind of time, especially when it's a numbers game. There’s a much better way to beat those odds, and boost your response rate at the same time.

Here at VIDA, we’ve been using the copy and paste approach since 2009.

Not only do copy and paste messages work, but we get incredible results for our clients with them. Our in-house data doesn’t lie.

Other industry experts recognize the wisdom of the copy and paste method as well.

OkCupid’s Christian Rudder said using template messages not only saves you time in the short term, but they’re a more effective long-term strategy as well.

And even if a woman calls you out on sending a template message, so what?

How To Send An Opening Message On A Dating Site

You’ve gotten a response that you can turn into a conversation. And many intelligent daters recognize the wisdom of using them, like this woman who weighed in on a Quora forum discussion:

When your first message is interesting and creative, the odds are good she’s going to reply to it.

Why? Because when you ask her a question that’s fun to think about and respond to, you’ve sparked an emotional connection.

That’s the reason you’re not getting good results (if any) with first messages like “Hey” and “Hi there”.

Where’s the fun in writing a response to that?

And even worse, you’ve put the burden of continuing the conversation on her, so coming up with a response is work for her.

The hotter she is, the more burdened with messages she gets, so she’ll only respond to the best messages in her inbox.

Nothing kills your online dating game quicker than being dull, assuming she's on a dating app just to hook up, or sounding just like every other guy who's messaged her that day.

Meet More High-Quality Women – Fast!

We’ve shared 11 first message examples that work brilliantly, but that’s only the beginning. You’ll be getting a ton of responses, which means you’ve got to keep the online dating conversation going and ask her out.

You have to keep her attention every step of the way, and build attraction with every message. Yup – there’s a reason so many guys complain that modern dating is exhausting.

You can skip all that stress, and go straight to the dates.

With VIDA, it’s really that easy. Our online dating experts handle your profile, your photo, and all that tedious back-and-forth messaging. All you do is show up for the dates! Click here to find out more.

Hey, I'm Ally, VIDA Select's Director of Matchmaking.

We take all the frustration, hard work and hassle out of modern dating!

Imagine your very own Dream Team of highly skilled dating experts searching for the very best local matches, sparking their interest, and arranging all the dates for you.

Wouldn't it be nice to finally stop swiping and start dating higher quality matches so you can meet someone special?

We've helped thousands of singles just like you since 2009, and we're ready to make you our next success story!

What To Send In First Message On Dating Site Video

What are you waiting for? Take the next step now…